coal tar by Matenrou Opera (摩天楼オペラ)

「呼んでる 誰の声だろう
[Yonderu dare no koe darou
“I wonder who’s voice is calling [me].
確かな 幸せな声
Tashika na shiawase na koe
It must be jubilant voice.
今そこに行くよ 今」
Ima soko ni iku yo ima]
I will go there now, [right] now.”

「ずっとはぐれていたの
[Zutto wa gureteita no
“I’ve always strayed from the right path.
ずっと寂しかったの
Zutto sabishikatta no
I was always desolate.
もう手を離さないで
Mou te wo hanasanai de
Don’t let go of this hand anymore.
この手を離さないで」
Kono te wo hanasanai de]
Don’t let go of [my] hand.”

今日もコールタールの海
Kyou mo kouru taaru no umi
Even today is a sea of coal tar.
逃げるように目を閉じた
Nigeru you ni me wo tojita
I closed [my] eyes in order to escape.

真暗な世界に身を置いて やがて来る眠りを待つ
Makkkura na sekai ni mi wo oite yagate kuru nemuri wo matsu
I placed myself in a [world of complete darkness], and I wait for the sleep that will come before long.
今まで見てきたこと 感じてきたこと 私はもう忘れたい
Ima made mitekita koto kanjitekita koto watashi wa mou wasuretai
What I’ve seen until now, what I’ve felt, I want to forget again.
軽薄な祈りは鮮やかに 逃げている今の私を映した
Keihaku na inori wa azayaka ni nigeteiru ima no watashi wo utsushita
Frivolous prayers vividly reflected my current self that is escaping.
嫌になってくる 私でいること 私という何もかも
Iya ni nattekuru watashi de iru koto watashi to iu nani mo kamo
Everything about me has become detestable, anything and everything about me.

今日もコールタールの海
Kyou mo kouru taaru no umi
Even today is a sea of coal tar.
夢中で手を伸ばす
Muchuu de te wo nobasu
Within a daze, I reach out [my] hand.

「赤い夕日が見えた
[Akai yuuhi ga mieta
“I can see the red evening sun.
もうすぐ夜になるから
Mou sugu yoru ni naru kara
Because it will very soon become night,
早く帰らなくちゃ 早く」
Hayaku kaeranakucha hayaku]
quickly, I have to return quickly.”

今日もコールタールの海
Kyou mo kouru taaru no umi
Even today is a sea of coal tar.
沈んでいくことが上手くなった
Shinzundeiku koto ga umaku natta
I’ve become skilled at sinking [in it].
息も続かないけど
Iki mo tsudzukanai kedo
I won’t continue breathing but,
溺れさせてはくれない
Oboresasete wa kurenai
please don’t let me drown.

負けないように笑顔を見せた 心が折れないように
Makenai you ni egao wo miseta kokoro ga orenai you ni
So I won’t be defeated, so that my heart won’t break, [you] showed me [your] smiling face,
誰かに愛されれば 今よりはまだ 生きたいと思えるかもしれないから
Dare ka ni aisarereba ima yori wa mada ikitai to omoeru kamoshirenai kara
because if I am loved by somebody, I might be able to think that I want to still live, even more than now.
だけど 上手に見つめられない
Dakedo jyouzu ni mitsumerarenai
But [now] I can’t fix my eyes [properly] on it.
だって私が私自身を 嫌いなんだから 信じられないの 自分の全てが好きになれないの
Datte watashi ga watashijishin wo kirai nanda kara shinjirarenai no jibun no subete ga suki ni narenai no
Even still, because I hate myself, I can’t believe, I can’t come to like everything that [I am].
愛されたいよ 愛していたいよ
Aisaretai yo aishiteitai yo
I want to be loved, I want to love.

誰でもいい 助けて もう消えたいの
Dare de mo ii tasukete mou kietai no
No matter who you are, save me [because] I want to disappear again.